Book Boyfriend Love Letters: Reckoning, by The Captain

This one’s for all you alpha assholes I’ve bothered to love only to have you toss me away like I don’t matter. You know who you are.  All you boys from the BDB.  Bones, Barrons, Raphael.  Bowen, Spade, Curran, even you Owen Winters.  I’m calling y’all out to even the playing field.

The Captain is switching teams.

Not that you care. But I figure if another of you jerks tries to darken my mattress, he should know what the score is.

Dear Mr. You’re-nothing-but-a-forgotten-notch-in-my-bedpost-Captain-go-away-while-I-bang-my-soulmate,

That’s right, I know all about you.  We had good times, didn’t we?  You were all tortured and angsty, I was a girl looking for some hot sweaty action.  Of course you obliged.  Of course.

And then you went and found her.

Don’t look at me like that.  I know all about it, and you’d damn near forgotten my name until right this moment, hadn’t you?

Well.  Seriously.

I’m so done with you guys.  So done.

I’m going with a girl next time.  Maybe a chick will be a little nicer and give me some warning that she’s about to go all true love for ever and ever, amen on me.  She won’t just drop outta the circle of life and be hunkered down for days and days on end in bed with some soul mate without at least giving a girl a text message.

You know what I’m going to do on Valentine’s Day?  I’m going over to Val Hall and hanging with the Valkyeries.  We’re going to play some Xbox and poker and I’m going to eat junk food with the witches and I’m going to get someone to show me how to bring a big strong man like you down to size.  Yep.  Cause they have loads of sharp pointy shit all over the place in that house.

Don’t even try to apologize.  There’s no meaning behind it. Go and have marathon sex with your super hot She-Ra.

I’m having a spiked cocoa and watching Jensen Ackles on tv.  And maybe Nathan Fillion.  Yeah.  Captain Mal might be just what the doctor ordered.