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Jensen Ackles, all I want for Christmas is you, baby!

Jensen Ackles, all I want for Christmas is you, baby!

by The CaptainDecember 24, 2011

Sometimes I wonder if all the hotness has gone from the world.

You see videos on You Tube of absolute stupidity and things that are so gross you throw up in your mouth.  Or men who should be hot are such jerks, act so deplorably, that you just find your will to live being sucked out by the Parasite of Stupid, Fugly, Narstiness (PoSFN).

But on Friday nights, our hope can be rekindled.  Because on Friday nights the CW network is kind enough in a megalomaniac giant corporation sort of way to beam into our televisions the sexy, funny, smart-assedness that is Dean Winchester on Supernatural, played by Jensen Ackles.

Fridays are magical.  Fridays are the night I spam poor DVK to death with nonsense texts all about Jensen.  Too which she responds with a lot of  LOL’s and “You and your Jensen” or “I really need to watch that show”.  Yes, yes she does.  And so do you.

From the first season to the current seventh, there have been many opportunities for fans to feast their eyes on the magic that is Jensen on the small screen.  Every now and then we are even treated to Jensen sans shirt or even Jensen in boxer briefs.  And he is DELICIOUS.

As Dean Winchester, Jensen has mastered the art of the snarky comment and the tortured soul.  Dean’s been a womanizer and a family man, but at the heart of it is a guy who just doesn’t take himself too seriously.  For anyone who was lucky enough to see the video of Jensen goofing off during a take on set playing air guitar in the Impala…

… you and I both know that he possesses one of the most important Aspects of Hawtness there is.   (Watch the video above. Giggle. Repeat.)

Humor.  Jensen is a funny, funny guy.  He is also prone to singing along with whatever background music there is on the show or lip syncing to songs that tough guys just aren’t supposed to know or like.  And he’s always sure to do it with some kind of facial contortion that even the biggest hair band rocker from the eighties could applaud.

Dean is a bad ass demon hunting, monster killing, threesome having (in one memorable episode — holy bejesus it was sexy and funny.  Especially when Sam (Jared Padalecki) walked in.), hard drinking, angel defying machine!  😉  Watching Jensen work it will bring you firmly into the fold as a card carrying Jensen Ackles fan girl. (Or boy, as the case may be.)

Even during his days on Dawson’s Creek and Smallville, there was evidence of the Smex Beam at work.  Cause I’m completely sure that Jensen may be one of the Chosen by the G.O.E who gets his own miniature Smex Beam.  In his pants.

There’s even a B-movie out there called Devour that Mr. Smex Beam Pants (S.B.P.) starred in.  It’s not terrible, but not great. You should watch it and enjoy drooling over Jensen.  Or perhaps just my favorite clip, a little sex scene where he’s enjoying himself letting loose with some auditory emanations that are sure to have you needing to excuse yourself to take care of a few things.

Still need proof of the hawtness of Jensen?  Still need more to understand why I say to his wife “You are a lucky woman!  Don’t eff it up!”  (She’s really pretty by the way.  I’m glad Jensen found a woman as sexy as he is.  If they have kids our world will have more sexy to balance the power of the PoFSN.)  I give you pictoral proof.  Hold onto your panties and get a wet wipe before viewing.  I can’t be responsible for shorted computers or lost undies.

(Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome…  😉  )

You could have voted for Supernatural in the People’s Choice Awards this year.You better have or I’m giving your names to Santa for the Naughty List.  And it’s not the good Naughty List either.  (Don’t tell me I need to explain what the good Naughty List is.) The boys even made a video to convince you to do so...  (Watch to the very end.  It’s classic Jared and Jensen silliness.)

And so, this year in my letter to Santa, I’m asking for Jensen Ackles, Mr. S.B.P. himself.  I know, I know.  He’s married.  And his wife is so way more hawt than my two kids having, often unbrushed hair sporting, nerdy, a bit chunky self.  But I am fun to hang out with. And I love a good belly laugh resulting from inappropriate humor.

Yep, all I want is a boxer brief wearing Jensen under my tree.  Holding a container of Cool Whip (not a fan of the canned stuff), a thermos of mint hot cocoa, a pair of ha– (never mind that part  😉 ), and the Vampire Queen series.  For when we get bored.  Not that we’d be reading them and trying out the stuff inside or anything.  Why ever would you think that? You guys are pervs.


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About The Author
The Captain
When not in pursuit of two small children, a sausage shaped black lab, workaholic husband, crazed hermit crab, bachelor's degree, Jensen Ackles, or editors, I spend time writing and reading PNR/UF as fast as my overtaxed eyes and fingers can read and type. I'm busily writing a series with plenty of Smex Beam deployment and the occasional short story. I am susceptible to bribes involving chocolate, peanut butter, and interesting combinations of the two.
  • December 24, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    I love this post!! Thank you for spreading around a little Jensen cheer this Christmas Eve! <3

    PS – anyone who skipped the first video, go back up and watch it. It’s hilarious!!

  • Criss
    December 24, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    I”m a major fan too! I can’t get enough of the show, Love you Jensen! Merry Christmas Everyone!

    • The Captain
      December 26, 2011 at 10:31 am

      Yep, I’ve been watching since day one. I should invest in bibs or something…..

      Thanks for the comment. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed my inappropriate humor.

  • December 26, 2011 at 7:47 am

    I have to admit that I’m behind on the show. I have only just bought the first series on DVD to watch, but I’m sure once I get going, I’ll be devouring the entire series so far! He is hot though 😀

    • December 26, 2011 at 10:34 am

      Hey Felicity! Get caught up girl! There’s so much awesome awaiting you!

      As you get further into the series, there are some really, really funny episodes that will have you holding your belly. If you go onto YouTube, you can find posted videos of outtakes from the seasons too. Which are fun if you’re feeling like you need more Jensen goodness and have run out of episodes. 🙂

  • December 26, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    I would gladly give up all of my Christmas presents…heck, my daughter’s too, for one night with Jensen. He is so macho, sexy, funny…alpha!!! I looooove him, and I love you for posting that topless pic of him! Merry Christmas to us all!! 🙂

    • December 28, 2011 at 7:14 pm

      Well you are totally welcome darling. Always happy to spread the hawt man candy goodness.

      I cannot be responsible for any problems you might experience from, err, frustration, however. That’s totally up to you kiddo. 🙂

  • December 28, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    I love when my Google alerts bring me links to awesomeness such as this. I chortled my way through all your abbreviations, and nodded at every sage, witty observation. Fantastic post!

    • December 28, 2011 at 7:18 pm

      Oh wow, thanks Natalie! That’s a really great compliment. 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed the post. It still makes me giggle when I read it now.

      In fact, I often make myself chortle like a fool while writing. Hopefully someday an editor will pick up one of my manuscripts and recognize my staggering genius. LOL. (Yep. being a bit pretentious there. It must be from staring at Jensen’s abs….mmmmm…I could drizzle a whole bunch of stuff on those and then spend some time lick-)

      Alright, enough of that. There are small kids in the room. 😉

  • March 2, 2012 at 6:40 am

    jesen jensen
    babbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i <3 u i hav an im agionery frnd called jensen <3 im the future mrs ackles!!!!!!

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